Written by: Shahnawaz Ramay
Posted on: July 22, 2022 | 
London Nahi Jaunga Poster
Humayun Saeed, Mehwish Hayat’s “London Nahi Jaunga” is a lackluster attempt at disguising a rom-com as a thriller film.
Pakistani cinema has severe issues in creating and developing good quality content, beyond the boy-girl love binary. The dramas revolve around the same theme and unfortunately, all of the films being put as part of the revival of the Pakistan cinema have the same theme.
Arzoo (Kubra Khan) dancing on her engagement
I’ve watched 3 films these past few months. These usually orbit around the issues of marriage for either protagonist, the woes of the parents and the unconvincing attempts to make light of the situation. To no surprise, London Nahi Jaunga also revolves around the same themes. Choudhary Jameel, played by Humayun Saeed, is being scrutinized for his insistence on not marrying. Cut scene to Arzoo, his cousin, frolicking in the fields running around with her friends trying to catch a goat.
Mahwish Hayat and Hamayun Saeed in London
Jameel's parents discuss the issue of his refusal to marry Arzoo.
There is another issue with Pakistani films, and that is it’s portrayal of regional culture. The over-the-top, exaggerated and opulent sets with the idea of telling stories of rich Punjabi families, have never really made sense. Men always get the good action shots that seem inspiring with the superhero themes, while women are often seen preparing food, running in the fields, the stereotypical 90’s Bollywood girlfriend. There’s just so much disconnect between the story/plot of the film versus the cinematography, that it’s jarring to see. I just feel overwhelmed with the constant in-your-face shots that just seem unbelievable. It’s as if the stories portrayed on screen can only be made because the hero and heroine are rich and have the money for it.
Mahwish Hayat plays the role of Zara Tiwani, who is on a secret mission to uncover her father's murder in her mother’s village. Again the duality of the character made her seem psychotic and mentally unwell, instead of being vengeful. Entirely confusing was also how her character gets introduced. She crashes a wedding, demands to see the Haveli, and then threatens Choudhary Jameel to sell it to her. This made me think that she was going to construct a mall, it dawned on me really late that she was out for revenge. For the next 2.5 hours, the character starts going down deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole of an utterly failed attempt at building the character as a deeply complex and relatable personality. Watching her in Ms. Marvel was a breath of fresh air, but I am disappointed that it was so short-lived.
Sara Tiwana confronting her husband's murderers.
Humayun Saeed, who plays the hero, is the alleged dashing and eligible bachelor Choudhary Jameel who is poised to get engaged to Arzoo. Because of the immense wealth, he wears Yeezy’s, but wanting to stay true to his “heritage” pairs them with a dhooti. Connoisseur of foreign-bred racing dogs, white horses, and poetry. He is surrounded by enablers, who provide much of the motive for the progression of the plot. Being a victim of “love at first sight”, he falls in love with Zara, but does not know why she’s being cold to him. All of the character’s dialogue has that fake sense of male bravado that somehow convinces them that the girl really means the opposite of what she’s saying. Armed with the imaginary wealth of a Bahalwapuri landlord family, he chases after Zara, and goes to London, hence the title of the movie.
As expected, the film had that hero speech at the end, where the entire plot re-aligns itself to fix the narrative and it ends with a happily ever after scene. London Nahi Jaunga is a desperate 2.5-hour attempt at convincing Pakistani men why they should always marry their cousins. The plot of the film does indeed have the strength and a semblance of a good story, but the creative direction has hijacked the narrative to just be a kaleidoscope of frilly colorful Punjabi culture shots. Throughout the film, more emphasis has been given to the art direction, costume, and makeup. This is not a bad thing, the actors look splendid in their attires but it’s not a fashion film, unfortunately.
Jameel (Hamayun) with his friend Bhatti (Gohar Rasheed) in London to find Zara.
The veteran actors of course deliver convincing performances, with Saba Hameed (who is not even listed in the cast on IMDB) giving a good performance of an estranged sister, who lost the love of her life to honor killing, which is widely practiced in the feudal areas of Pakistan.
3 films, all duds. Forcing the public to watch substandard quality films is not the answer to the Pakistani cinema’s revival that we were looking forward to. Instead of banning the competition, it is time to learn from them and evolve as a profitable and investor-friendly consumer market.
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